Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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