He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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