i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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