My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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