just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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