Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize