so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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