We need to rekindle our bromance
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize