Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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