I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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