Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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