If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize