I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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