my phone needs a breathalizer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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