My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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