she woke up with a sticky ear
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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