i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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