I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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