so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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