Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize