maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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