No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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