Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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