I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize