there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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