you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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