I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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