She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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