Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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