i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
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New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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