After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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