they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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