My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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