Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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