Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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