ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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