just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize