What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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