We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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