Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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