Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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