I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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