So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's like heaven, but drunker
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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