I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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