Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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