we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize