So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize