just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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