i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize