I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize